There’s not too many things I’m ashamed of, but tonight might take the cake.

I think I fucked a retard.

I couldn’t quite be sure, we were both kinda drunk, but I could have sworn the words were kinda slow spilling out and her eyes were a little too far apart.

I tried to test her with questions like “what kind of classes did you take in high school?” and “were you a fan of Corky from ‘Life Goes On?’”

She muttered something about chicken wings and leaned in for a sloppy, open mouthed kiss.

Jesus, it’s almost go time and I don’t know if she’s got Down syndrome…

Okay - is she strong? Kinda; she’s pulling me pretty good to the dumpsters out back…

I pulled out my car keys and jangled them to see if she would be distracted. No dice…

I then knocked “Shave and a Haircut” onto the wall as she pulled my pants around my ankles. Fuck, that only works with toons. Goddamn Rodger Rabbit.

As I hefted her large, hairy leg above my shoulder, I realized that I was out of options.

Shit, gotta remember to make a better test for situations like this.

And pull out.