If someone asked you to jump 30 feet, you’d tell them “I can’t do it.”

If someone told you you to shoot laser beams from your cans, you’d say “that’s crazy.”

So why is it when I tell someone that I’m single because the broads don’t like me they always shake their heads and say some shit like “that’s a self fulfilling prophecy.”

Fuck you.

I’m built like a silverback, I’ve been in more scraps than I’ve laid pipe, the last conversation I had with a broad lasted 5 minutes that ended with me apologizing for shitting in her fancy-pants purse and the only time I get clammy is around an attractive young lady.

I’m not what you would call “a catch.”

I’ll tell you the truth. All this manliness gets ‘em excited for about 2 days until they realize that I’m a mook and then the broad turns tail.

Listen to me; Christ, I sound like someone that should be weeping their story at a build-a-bear workshop.

Now howz about this bartender with the juggs refill my glass.

I’m not quite done being a sorry bastard.